gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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