is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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