He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
