I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
