I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
