We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
