Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He has the fingertips of a God
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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