Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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