apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
