The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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