All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
