I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
