i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
