Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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