I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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