Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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