apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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