Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
