My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
