I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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