i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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