I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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