My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
