pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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