I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just pee around me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
