all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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