i just google imaged poop.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
