Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
