my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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