apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
