I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
