yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
