Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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