Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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