awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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