I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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