i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
