He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
