It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
PANTIES FOUND
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