I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
