does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
His hands were made for my vagina.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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