people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i already hear my dad disowning me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
