I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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