I think im going to throw up on grandma
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
