My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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