Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
