I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
