yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
