he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
