Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
