i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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