420 ftw
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
